My Brother, Jared

 

27th birthday cake, probably Mama's red velvet

On this day 37 years ago, my little brother, Jared, was born. I was 3.5. I don’t know if I remember it, or if I just remember seeing pictures from that day. I’ve read that siblings are your first friends and the ones with which you spend the most time. That was true in our case. We grew up in a wonderful neighborhood and across the street from our paternal grandmother and great-grandmother. We spent summers there and went there after school until our parents were home from work. We probably put a million miles a piece on our bikes, and even more on our Hot Wheels collections. We watched TV, played dominos with our grandmothers and their friends, played with Legos, our dogs, video games, in the log yard, sports, you name it.

Jared as a child

 We had an especially good time when I got my license because I drove us to and from school. We listened to our favorite CDs and had deep talks. When I moved away to college, Jared said the only thing he didn’t miss about me was my long hair being everywhere. Later when I was married, my then husband (Jason) said he could relate to that! We always had a good time at our parents’ when I came home to visit.

Jared and me at Talladega, 2003

 In 2009, we moved back to Fulton and into my late grandmother’s house two doors down from our parents. This was definitely a God-send, as it allowed me to spend Jared’s last years with him. He worked shift work, so he spent a lot of time at my house and at my parents’ house when he was off. We would eat breakfast there on the weekends, help each other with yard work, watch TV, cook/eat, etc. It was nothing for me to get home from school to see that my lawn had been manicured, or to be cutting my grass and see Jared on his lawn mower behind me. I was a teacher at the time, and he would text me on the first day of school every year to wish me a good day and year. He could imitate a dove. He would park in his spot at our parents’ and make the sound. This was not the pleasant cooing sound, but the sick crow sound, lol. When I heard it, I never knew if it was him or an actual bird. Now, I feel his presence when I hear the doves make that sound.

Jared and his lifelong friend, Ben

Jared was an avid outdoorsman. He loved hunting doves, deer, ducks, and turkeys. I believe his favorite was bass fishing, though, in addition to just being on the river and sometimes "communicating" with catfish, I've heard. They say that scent is the strongest sense tied to memory. Every time I get a whiff of a bream bed, I immediately think of him and our family fishing at the pond in Fulton or on the river, as we did so many times. A student of mine once saw his picture on  my desk and recognized him as "the man who brought snuff and fish" to his grandmother in the apartment complex where Jared worked part time as the maintenance man. We learned that Jared would catch and clean fish for some of the elderly ladies who lived there. That makes me proud. 

Jared's wedding

Jason moved to Louisiana to work, so Jared spent even more time with me. We really had some deep conversations then. We often discussed traits that we inherited from each parent, our similarities and differences, and common traits we shared, but didn’t get from either parent. He also told me who to contact for certain things if anything ever happened to him. Although Jared was smart, successful, and responsible, he was also reckless. My biggest fear was that he would die in a car accident.

 On October 20, 2014, two days before my birthday, Jared died in a single vehicle crash. It wasn’t intentional, but I think he knew he would die young. A series of his friends called me and, after paying their respects, said “Jared told me if anything ever happened to him to call you and say x.” That was interesting to me. Some of his best friends were acquaintances of mine, but they really stepped up to be there for me, and I now consider them among my best of friends as well.

Jared's class has been amazing to us. They purchased this brick at school.

 Within minutes of “coming to” after hearing the news, I immediately realized that life is too short. That is how Jared lived. He didn’t care what people thought, he wasn’t fake, he had fun, he did nice things for people, he didn’t sweat the small stuff, and he made sure his family and friends knew he loved them. In addition to changing from the grief, seeing that life is too short has changed me. Life is too short to not be happy. Not only did I realize this, but I live it. I have moved from education to the car business, which I love, gotten a divorce, and stopped going to traditional church. I attend monthly Bible studies with likeminded individuals and an amazing leader and friend. I didn’t know it until a few years ago, but my mom says I’m “different.” I now embrace that knowingly.

 I have learned so much from Jared after his death, and I want to be like him. I want to be the loyal friend he was. I want to help people like he did with no recognition. He had done tremendous things for people, but we were unaware until they told us after his passing. I want to be a person who lives like there is no tomorrow, who doesn’t care what people think. It has been my experience that no longer caring what people think is not a decision, but a place where you arrive mentally. I have arrived, it is so freeing. He would also say that people are going to talk about you regardless, so don’t worry about them and do what makes you happy.

Some of my favorite photos of him

 I am so proud to say that I am Jared Daniels’s sister. Until I die, I will do whatever it takes to preserve his legacy. I will strive to be the kind of friend he was. I will let his friends who are now mine know how much they mean to me and are loved and appreciated. Those shoes will never be filled, but I will do my best to make my brother as proud as he makes me.