My Very Special First Duck Hunt

I am not a hunter. I am not anti-hunting, assuming good sportsmanship is practiced and the animal is respected. I went as a kid with my dad and brother, but just because I wanted to be with them. If my memory serves me correctly, I have only dove, deer, and squirrel hunted. I have seen videos of duck hunters, but I had never done it. I’ve heard how addictive turkey hunting is, but I just haven’t had the desire to go. Nothing about being still, quiet, and cold have ever appealed to me, nor has killing an animal.

My brother was an avid outdoorsman. He has hunted most game around here, with the exception of hogs, as far as I know. I enjoy doing things that allow me to feel his presence or as if he is living through me. The river, particularly, the Alabama, where he spent so much time, is a place where I experience that feeling.

We are currently experiencing an “Arctic blast,” as the meteorologists call it. Saturday evening, my boyfriend, Randy, asked me to go on a duck hunt with him the next morning. He said he would be disappointed if I didn’t go. He is so good to me, so I never want to disappoint him, and I appreciate that he wanted me to go. I told him I didn’t want to be cold. He told me that I would be in the cab of a boat with a heater. He also told me that he was going to cook deer sausage. I thought he was joking about cooking. I agreed to go. We launched at the Peach Tree landing, where my brother launched countless times. I wore his faded camo duck jacket, took a thermos of “special” coffee, lol, and a book. We went to “a place” off the river, the hunters got situated, and we waited on the sunrise (30 minutes before sunrise, to be exact). It was a bit foggy, but as the sun rose over the Alabama, I immediately knew why my brother loved duck hunting. I’ve seen the sun rise over the river many times on fishing trips, but it was even more beautiful yesterday. I thought to myself “so this is why these guys get up so early and face the cold, and it is so worth it!” The hunters had decoys out, the trees were hanging over us, the fog was rising, and the sun was starting to shine. It was one of the best, most special times I have experienced, especially since my brother’s passing. We saw a lot of ducks and bagged three. Animals are beautiful to me, but my favorite duck is a male wood duck. One was killed, and the hunter gave him to me. I will have him mounted to commemorate my first duck hunt. I know I didn’t kill him, but I was there. It was so exciting seeing the ducks fly and the hunters raise their shotguns. Again, even though I wasn’t hunting, I felt like I was hunting for Jared. I know that he was smiling down even bigger.

I made sure not to be the annoying girlfriend/wife tagging along making noise, talking too much, asking stupid questions, and getting in the way. Randy broke out the Blackstone, and sure enough, grilled deer sausage right there in the boat. I drank my “rise and shine,” but never cracked the book. I didn’t want to miss the beauty of the experience. I am not a legalist who thinks one is going straight to Hell if they “aren’t at church every time the door is open,” but we missed Sunday School. With no disrespect to Sunday School, admiring God’s creation was way more church than one can experience in a building. I also thought, as I do often, about how thankful I am that I will see my brother again. I can’t wait to tell him about my first duck hunt. I can’t wait for him to meet Randy. On earth, they would have been the best of friends, and would have helped me keep the other straight, lol. Jared would be so happy that I am with someone who treats me so well and likes to do the same things he did. My garage attic is full of Jared’s decoys. We plan to take a few and go back. This spring, I hope to kill a turkey with Jared’s gun. It means a lot to me to do the things he did and with his equipment. I am very protective of it, though, as it cannot be replaced. I am thankful to have had such a brother, and I am also thankful to have such a boyfriend.

Be Punctual and Keep Your Word

Dependable is defined as trustworthy and reliable. I saw a quote that defined integrity as “doing what you say you’re going to do, because you said you would.” I agree with both definitions. Sadly, those traits are becoming endangered. 

 The scarcity of these traits in daily life is everywhere you turn, but have you hosted a party lately? Been invited to one? Given any thought to what it takes to host a party? These are topics worth visiting after my experiences lately. 

 In 2020, my parents hosted a birthday party for me. It was well planned and organized. They grilled lots of great food and bought a huge cake. We even had live entertainment. Over 60 people were invited. Fewer than 15 were present- that’s including my parents and me. Now, this was during the first year of the pandemic, but there were dozens of people who verbally told me or texted their intentions to attend. They were no-shows. Some even told me that they were coming, but then were not because other non-emergency things came up. More on that soon. 

 Opening weekend of college football season this year, I hosted another party. The same thing happened. People who went out of their way to tell me they were coming did not. And, unless it’s an emergency, telling the host just hours before is no good. They’ve already counted heads and bought the food, drinks, and other necessary items. Luckily, the guests who did show up brought other guests, so not much was wasted.

 And most recently, I hosted a watch party for the season premier of Yellowstone. I had previously learned the hard way that on Facebook, “going” means nothing. I do, however, count the “not goings.” I think people feel guilty about clicking that. If you do, don’t. That is what you are supposed to do if you know you can’t attend. You are doing the host a favor by letting them know so they won’t “count your head” in preparation. You owe no explanation, but there’s nothing wrong with giving one. You are not obligated, though. 

 On the other hand, if you say you are going to attend and you don’t (unless it’s an emergency), your word is no good. You are as good as your word. 20 people told me they were going to attend. I don’t mean by clicking “going” in the event. These people either told me in person or texted me. Please understand that I am very thankful for those who attended and for those who told me they couldn’t make it. 

 I think a lot of times, people feel guilty about not being able to attend. You shouldn’t. If you had a previous obligation, you should keep it. I also understand social anxiety. That’s a legitimate reason for which you owe no explanation. I used to not attend things because I just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of getting ready and being away from home. After having my parties of disappointment, though, I try to attend every function to which I am invited. Have you ever thought about being invited to an event? Someone thought enough of you to want to invite you to their home or venue, prepare or purchase food and drinks for you, to enjoy your company, and to include you. Being invited is a privilege. I didn’t see it that way until I was let down by so many people. Let me reiterate that the people who told me in ample time that they couldn’t attend are top notch. That’s what RSVP/No Regrets means. It lets the host know how to prepare. It prevents them from wasting money, as I have done 3 times now, but never will again.

 Also, let’s say that a friend invites you to McDonald’s for lunch on Monday. Later, friend #2 invites you to The Oyster House for lunch Monday. The second invite is more appetizing, but you have already obligated yourself to friend #1. You don’t cancel those plans. You keep them and tell friend #2 that you appreciate the offer, but you already have plans. Ask which other day you can do lunch. This happened to several non-guests at my birthday party. They told me they were coming, then didn’t come because other things came up. They should have told the second invites “no” because they had previous obligations. In doing so, they would not have been rude to anyone. It is not rude to say you have previous obligations. There is nothing wrong with that.

 Since we’re on the subject-ish, let’s talk about being on time. There are two-ish acceptable reasons for being late: sickness/family emergency and car trouble. Otherwise, being late is rude. People can be on time for work and things that are important to them, but are often late to other things with less accountability. If it’s important to you, you will be on time. When you are late, someone is having to wait on you. They have stopped what they were doing or gotten up early to be on time. If you drag around and cause them to wait on you, you are being rude to them and disrespectful of their time. You disrupt events by showing up late. You are saying that your time and tasks are more valuable than theirs when you are late and cause people to wait on you. However, the way to break chronically late people is to leave them! LEAVE THEM! Start without them. DRIVE AWAY in your own vehicle. Don’t feel bad. They should feel bad about not being on time. Chronic lateness is a sign of laziness, incompetence, disorganization, and selfishness. I choose to not associate with chronically late people. It puts me in a bad mood just anticipating their lateness, even though I am going to leave on time with or without them. They will either up their game if you are important to them, or they will get tired of being left and find likeminded incompetent friends. 

 I’m sure some will read this and say I’m overthinking it, but people’s actions show you what’s important to them. If someone continuously tells you they are attending your party and they continuously don’t show, they do not care about you, so stop inviting them. Spend your time and energy on those who show up for your or let you know they can’t attend. If someone is always late, they are taking advantage of you and your time. They don’t care that you set your alarm and got up early or stopped what you were doing so you could be courteous and on time. As much as it hurt my feelings, it was an eye-opening lesson that culled out those who don’t care about me enough to keep their word. My word means so much to me that I am going to do what I said I was going to do because I am that kind of person, and I want people to know that I can be counted on. Those are the kinds of people I want in my life. I don’t have positive things to say about those who have proven that their word means nothing and that they are not dependable. That’s okay, because they lost someone dependable and loyal. I lost someone who never really cared about me and that I would never be able to depend on anyway. Now I know where to focus my energy and love. 

 Does that mean I hate the slackers? No. But it does mean I know where I stand with them and that I will never invite or depend on them again. I write this out of hurt, frustration, and disappointment, but also because I don’t think some people are aware of how rude it is to not keep your word and to be late. I don’t think they are aware that they are showing people what they mean (or don’t mean) to them.

 I’ve been told I was “militant,” which I took as a compliment. That means I’m dependable, organized, structured, punctual, and stand behind my word. I prefer “militant,” direct people. They are real. They are not perfect, but they try to be. They are not unorganized slackers. They are courteous. They are separated from the rest. These are going to be the people who have or will achieve things through hard work, discipline, and by doing the things others are unwilling to do. That’s the kind of person I am and want to continue to be.